


I Don't Know What to Believe in

by quicksilouvers



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Harry doesn't want to be gay, Harry falls in love with Louis, Harry is Confused, Harry is a religious church leader, Harry is having mixed emotions, Harry is not gay, Harry wants Louis, Louis a college lad, Louis is Zayn's bestfriend, Louis wants Harry, M/M, but Louis falls in love with Harry too, but Louis tries to set things right, louis is gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-29 00:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3876013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilouvers/pseuds/quicksilouvers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry, a big name in the town's church, he earned everyone's respect after sharing most of his experience of how God helped him throughout his life. Being religious has its perks, but it also has its downfall. What will become of you after you meet the love of your life but your belief seems to think otherwise. </p><p>Louis, one time he goes to a church and suddenly he finds himself entrapped by one Harry Styles. Confused and helpless, he wouldn't know what to do, he didn't choose this life and most importantly he didn't choose to fall in love with the type of person who shames homosexuality.</p><p>Love is always going to be hard. Louis and Harry is sure this is love but at the same time... they're not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Summer Vacation Week 1

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this,” said Louis while trying to check which tie suits better with his shirt.

     “You said yes already, and besides I’m already parked outside your house,” Zayn said at the other end of the phone call, “no turning back now.”

     “Wait, you’re here? My hairs not dry, can you wait?” asked Louis.

     “Hurry up,” Zayn said, “you can just dry your hair on the way, we’ll put down the windows.”

     “Ew, no.” Louis grimaced, “I don’t want my hair all over my face, please don’t put the windows down!”

     “Gay.” Zayn whispered hoping Louis wouldn’t hear.

     “I heard that!” Louis said ending the call. He combed his hair, put on his tie, grabbed his phone and keys, and made his way out the door, down the stairs, said goodbye to his mum, out the house and into Zayn’s car and slammed the door shut.

     “Easy!” Zayn exclaimed.

   “Well, if you haven’t invited me then maybe you don’t have to worry about me slamming your car door ‘till the end of this day.” Louis answered.

     “Okay, so before we go,” Zayn faced Louis, “I want you to promise me you’ll tone down the sassiness while we’re there.”

     “What?” Louis said with a confused look, “I’m not sassy, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m sassy, not all gays are sassy you’re a fucki—“

     “And don’t tell everyone you’re gay…” Louis wasn’t really vocal about his sexuality so that wouldn’t be a problem to him, “yet.”

     “Okay. Tone down the sass, _that_ I don’t have at all, and don’t say I’m gay.” Louis nodded to Zayn.

     “Thanks so much for agreeing to come with me,” Zayn was really desperate when he opened up about how his dad is making him bring more people because he’s showing lack of interest and a rarely comes to any weekday sermons said their senior pastor, which is his dad, “my dad won’t get off my back ‘till I at least bring one person to this bloody sermons.”

   “Don’t go all cheesy on me now, Zayn,” Louis and Zayn were best friends ever since high school and both of them going to the same uni really helped with process of adjusting to new heights, “just tell me I don’t have to go back for the rest of the summer.”

   “Well…” Louis eyed Zayn who started driving right after he finished talking about his dad, “maybe you can stop going after I don’t know 2 or 4 Sundays but you can’t stop right away because that would be too suspicious.”

     “But you said!” Louis threw his arms up, “Okay, whatever, for Jesus.”

 

There were already numerous of cars parked outside the church and lots of people lining up outside greeting each other on their way in. Louis and Zayn got out the car and walked up to the entrance.

     “God, I’m nervous.” Louis whispered to Zayn.

     “It’ll be fine,” Zayn assured him, “people here are kind and nice.”

     “Not until they find out about me.” Louis said.

     Zayn gave him a stare that somehow say _I said don’t talk about that yet_.

     A man with gray hair in his late 40s walked up to us and offered me a handshake, obviously this is Zayn’s dad, “Hello there, Louis. It’s nice to see you again,” Mr. Malik said. Or should he call him Pastor Malik. Louis first met Zayn’s dad when Zayn had an allergic reaction to shrimp and he had to wait for Zayn’s dad with him in the nurse’s office. He had the same warm smile as George Clooney and a well-built body like Brad Pitt and Louis couldn’t help but develop a slight crush on him then. He still looks the same only with more gray hair.

   “Hello, Mr. Malik,” Louis shook Zayn’s dad’s hand, “I know it’s been awhile. How’s Trisha doing?”

   “Well, you’re comfortable calling my wife by her first name, by all means please call me by mine, Yaser,” Zayn’s dad or Yaser gave him a pat on the back and Louis couldn’t help but get off balanced because Yaser had big strong hands, “Trisha’s doing really well, she’s not here at the moment, she had to speak at an event on my behalf since I can’t leave my church behind on a Sunday.”

   “Okay, dad,” Zayn said as he pushed Louis towards the benches, “It’s nice talking to you I bet you have to prepare, bye.”

   Louis looked back while being pushed by Zayn, “It was so nice catching up with you, Yaser.”

   “You too, Louis!” Yaser said while walking towards other guests.

   Zayn sat both of them down second line to the front, “Sup, Harry?” said Zayn while sitting himself beside a guy, not much older than Louis, with long brown curly hair, refined jawline, sharp nose, thin lips, and emerald eyes, wearing a back see-through shirt buttoned down. Louis can’t tell if he comes here regularly because of all the well-placed tattoos in his body. If he didn’t know any better he’d mistake Harry for a delinquent.

“Sup, Zayn.” They both gave each other the _bro_ hug, or at least that’s what Louis calls the handshake/hug boys do whenever they meet in the streets randomly, “How are you doing? Haven’t heard from you for a while? How’s college treating you?”

   “I’m doing well, yeah college is worse than high school I gotta say,” As if at that moment Zayn blatantly forgot he brought Louis along with him. So he coughs seeking attention, “Oh, hey, by the way, this is Louis.”

   “Hi,” Louis leaned forward and offered his hand for a handshake.

   Harry just stared at Louis for a moment, eyed him from bottom to top and the finally he spoke, “You’re gay.”

   It was definitely a statement rather than an answer and it ultimately caught Louis off guard. Zayn just sat there, there his arms up, “I’m sorry, it’s not my fault you’re too obvious.”

   At that moment, Louis just wanted to bury his face in his palms hoping it’d glue itself there but instead he nudged Zayn and calmly said, “Yeah, will there be a problem? I told Zayn he shouldn’t’ve invite—“

   “Hey, chill,” Harry said, “It’s okay dude, we love homos here. At least, I do.”

   That sent chills through Louis’ neck, questioning his masculinity he just sat there contemplating whether or not he should keep this whole façade on going or go home and just TV binge like how he originally planned his weekend.

   “Hey, I need to go,” Harry stood up, “Nice to meet you, Louis.”

   Right before Harry looked away and walked towards the back he gave Louis a cheeky wink.

   “What is his deal?” Louis asked Zayn, “He’s clearly not gay, assuming he plays an important role in your church because he’s permitted to enter the back quarters of you church, why is he coming at me? It’s as if he’s… flirting.”

   “Harry?” Zayn pulled a confused look to Louis, “No, he’s like that to everybody, he’s just being his cheeky self.”

   “There’s a borderline between cheeky and flirty,” Louis straightened his seating posture, “and he, my friend, just crossed it.”


	2. Summer Vacation Week 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after Louis and Harry met, Harry found out Louis is the author of his favorite anthology of short stories and he goes under the pseudonym Natasha Brown. Harry confronted Louis about it.

Yesterday went off nicely. Right after the service, Zayn said a few greetings to friendly faces he saw and Louis just stood beside him all throughout. Zayn drove Louis home, they bid their farewells as though they wouldn’t see each the next day like they always do, and Louis spent the rest of his day like it’s any other.

   Today, Louis sat himself right outside a café drinking coffee while working on a short story. Louis writes fiction, he has a collection of all his works in a book and he goes by the pseudonym _Natasha Brown_ and his identity still remains anonymous ‘till now, the only few people who knows that he is Natasha Brown is his family, Zayn, and a few of his college mates. He gained publishing companies’ attention when a few of his works became viral online, before publishing it all he posts them all on his blog. A lot of people kept sharing it on facebook and twitter, then one night an unknown caller rang his phone, he answered it and a guy introduced himself on behalf of Freewriter Publishing. The book became a national bestseller and Freewriters’ was more than happy to offer Louis another book deal.

   “What are you working on?” a raspy voice came out of nowhere and when Louis looked up, Harry was standing right in front of his table with an iced latte on his hand and a phone on the other. Today he was wearing another buttoned down shirt but this time it’s not see-through, instead it has bananas on it. He has his hair tied into a bun.

   “Um,” Louis didn’t know what to reply.

   “Do you mind?” Harry asked pointing down to the chair left to Louis’ with his phone on hand.

   “Sure,” Louis said, “go on ahead.”

   “You rushed off quick yesterday, didn’t get a chance to properly introduce myself.” Harry said and took a sip of his latte.

   “Hi, I’m Louis.” Louis said lowering the screen of his laptop then extending his arm towards Harry for a handshake.

   “Harry,” Harry took Louis’ hand but instead of a handshake he neared the back of Louis’ hand to his lips and kissed it.

   Louis’ immediate response was to take his hand back, “What are you doing?”

   “You’re gay, right?” Harry was completely shaken off, embarrassed by what he has done. They both were.

   “Yeah, I’m gay,” Louis affirmed, “but you don’t kiss a gay man’s hand, despite the fact that we have feminine attributes, we still prefer handshakes over petty hand kisses on the first greeting.”

   Harry just sat there looking at Louis with a cheeky grin.

   “Well, it’s been nice knowing you Harry but you clearly have no clue on how to tre—“

   “Wait,” Harry grab Louis hand when he was reaching for his notebook, “I’m sorry, okay?” Harry half said, half giggled, “But don’t go too soon, this is clearly your space so I’ll go.”

   Louis took his hand back from Harry _again_ and eased his seating posture.

   “But before I leave.” Harry pulled something off from the back of his jeans and put it on the table. It was his book, or Natasha’s book.

   “Zayn told you.” Louis said nodding his head, “Off course. I should’ve known that cocky shit can’t keep a secret.” Louis remembered he was in the presence of a holy person and covered his mouth, “Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Covered his mouth again, “I’m sorry.”

   “Its fine,” Harry laughed, “It’s not fair that you can’t curse just because I’m around. Completely fine. But, be careful around the others, they won’t take it as well as I do.”

   “So, what do you want me to do with this?” Louis smiled at Harry.

   Harry took out sharpie from his pocket and said, “Sign it for me.”

“No, sorry, I don’t sign my books,” Louis said as he pushed back the book and sharpie.

“Why not?” Harry arched an eyebrow, “I love your short stories, and my favorite is _31 Tattoos_. I think you’re a great writer, you’re brilliant! Everything you wrote on this book just makes my head explode, well except for the one about the man looking for his wife that disappeared just after their honeymoon then he found out she was a werewolf and what activated her shapeshifting was marriage,” Harry paused to put his hand on his chin and shook his head, “Do me a favor and don’t write supernatural fiction again.”

Louis was laughing, this was the closest he ever had to a fan meet and greet and so far he was enjoying it, “If it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t really proud when I decided to choose that over my favorite work.”

   Louis smiled at Harry and at that moment they just stared at each other. Louis’ phone beeped. Louis shook his head and straightened up grabbing his phone to read a message from Zayn saying:

   _Get home right now, I have food. Ur mum let me in. I’m in ur room._

   “Will you publish that story in the next book?” Harry asked, “Your favorite story, I mean.”

   “No,” Louis shook his head, “I’ve decided that that story is exclusive only to those who play an important role in my in my life.”

   “Well, I hope I gain your trust well enough to hear about it.”

   Louis just sat there because for a moment he considered telling Harry right then and there, but he stopped himself he should know better, “Anything else you want to know? Zayn’s looking for me and I need to go.”

   “Look, all I’ve been reading your stuff for over a year now and I really like it and it’s an honor to just be in your presence right now,” Louis blushed at the thought of being adored, “the moment Zayn said you were Natasha Brown I just flipped and I knew I had to find you and talk to you and get you to sign my copy.”

   “When did you find out, exactly?” Louis asked.

   “Last night, Zayn came over to get my devotional for Pastor Malik and he saw me reading your book and I told how much of a big fan I am for this book and then he told me like it didn’t matter.” Harry answered.

“That’s because I told everyone who knew about me being Natasha Brown that when they could tell at least one person about me being Natasha Brown if they deemed worth. And well, to Zayn you were. Well, I’m really flattered you said all that and thank you for liking my stories,” Louis said as he was putting all his stuff back into his bag, “but you have to understand that I’m trying to protect my identity at the moment. I’m not ready for everyone to know I’m Natasha Brown.”

   “Kinda like Hannah Montanna.” Harry said.

They both laughed at the idea, “Yeah, kinda like Hannah Montanna.” Louis agreed.

   “Well then,” Harry stood up grabbing the book from the table and his iced latte, “I guess I won’t get a signature to day.”

   “Sorry.” Louis stood up and walked away with Harry.

   “But be warned Mr. Tomlinson, or should I say Ms. Brown,” Harry positioned his body walking backwards, “I will get a signature from you one day. I will make it my soul mission to make you feel like it’s great to be adored and known not only as Natasha Brown but as Louis Tomlinson, the brilliant writer of his/her generation.”

   Louis stopped walking when Harry grabbed his hand and placed a kiss on its back.

   “See you around, Louis.” Harry said as he walked away from Louis still in awe of what just happened.

   That moment he could’ve sworn a religious church youth leader just flirted with him. He had his few shares of flirty moments and that was one of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed how vague I leave out details like when did Louis first started writing or where Louis studies college and what he studies, I meant to do that because I don't want to be direct with this fic. I want this to take place in somewhere in the UK but I know little about the place so let's just widen our imagination.


	3. Summer Vacation Week 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis comes back to church with Zayn and in the end Harry takes Louis away for a ride and a dreamlike setting.

Chapter 3

It’s Louis’ second time in Church and he’s getting himself used to the people always smiling and hugging and being intimate with each other without further reasons aside from going to the same church and all. Louis is seated right where he was the last time he went but this time with Harry to his left and Zayn to his right.

   “So tell me,” Harry said, “how did you deal with Zayn when you found out he told me.”

   “Keep your voice down.” Louis whispered while checking if anybody else was listening.

   “Oh! He’s totally down with it,” Zayn said, “he wouldn’t care especially since it’s his idea for us to tell at least one—well, you get the point.”

   “You too are adorable,” Harry grinned sitting like a thug with his elbow resting at the back of the chair, “I feel a bit jealous.”

   “Dude, c’mon,” The service hasn’t started yet so everyone was talking and the church was filled with voices, “that’s just disgusting, we’re totally brothers.”

   “Yeah, that’s just incest.” Louis added.

   “Cool,” Harry said standing up, “that’s great.” And winked at Louis then walked away.

   Louis immediately turned to face Zayn, “There! He did it again. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he has a crush on me, Zayn!”

   “You’re delusional,” Zayn said, “He’s a fully-pledged Christian and he’s not gay.”

   “Hello, everyone.” Harry was in front standing with pride and a big cute smile, “I would like to invite all of us to stand and let’s feel the presence of our God flow through us as we sing for him!”

   The band started playing. Harry was today’s song and worship leader. He’s holding a guitar of his own and they were playing a very lively song Louis assumed is called _God’s Not Dead._ Harry’s voice was nothing like Louis ever heard before it was sexy and raspy and deep, it was beauty. Louis craved for more. Harry’s voice is what most people would call an eargasm, and he was more than thankful he heard it here, today, but in such a sinful situation.

    
The service ended and Louis and Zayn just finished talking to Yaser and they were already walking towards Zayn’s car. Harry was rushing out running towards Louis and Zayn calling out Louis.

   “Louis!” Harry was trying hard to get his attention while running, “Hey! Louis!”

   Louis turned around to see Harry running towards him, “Hey!”

   “Where are you two going?” Harry was already right there in front of Louis.

   “Uh, I got plans,” Zayn said, “I’m just giving Louis a ride home before I get to them.”

   “Hey, let me do that.” Harry offered.

   Louis and Zayn looked at each other, “Is that okay with you?” Zayn asked.

   For a moment Louis didn’t want to but since Harry ran all the way here he didn’t want to turn down the poor guy so he said, “Yeah, sure” as he shut Zayn’s car door, “I’ll see you ‘round, Zayn.”

   “See you ‘round, Louis.” Zayn said while he got in his car. He rolled down the window and said, “You kids getting along fine huh? Harry, take care of Louis, okay?” and drove off.

   Louis and Harry was standing by the pavement. Louis was unsure what to do next, Harry was just standing there opposite to him grinning to him like a really cute stalker.

   “Oh,” Harry snapped back to reality, “My car’s down this road, c’mon.”

   “Okay.” Louis and Harry was walking down the pavement ‘till they reached a blue truck. “Nice ride.”

   “I know, right?” Harry laughed and opened the door for Louis.

   “You know you really have to stop treating me like I’m a girl.” Louis said, “I’m gay but I still want to be tre—“

   “Treated like you’re a gentleman, yeah I know.” Harry continued as he shut the door to Louis’ side of the car and walked to the other side to sit himself in, “I just want to make you feel like your important.” Harry winked at Louis. AGAIN.

   “Where are you talking me?” Louis asked.

   “Taking you home.” Harry said.

   “My house is opposite towards the direction you’re taking.” Louis said, “Are you kidnapping me?”

   “Guilty.” Harry smiled and looked over at Louis, “Nah, I’m not sure you would agree but I want to take you to somewhere.”

   “Where?” Louis asked.

   “To the lake.” Harry said.

   “Cool. I’ve never been to a lake before.”

   “Sarcasm.” Harry said, “I like it.”

   “Whatever,” Louis said, “why are you taking me there anyways? Don’t you have like after-mass prayer rituals at church where you cut a goat’s throat and spread the blood all over the place?”

   “No,” Harry said in a very serious tone looking over at Louis again, “we do that on Fridays.”

   “You’re kidding.” Louis said breaking into a giggle.

   Harry was giggling too.

   “But seriously, what are we doing?” Louis asked.

   “I’ll tell you when we get there.”

 

The rest of the ride to the lake was quiet, oppose to the radio playing songs by Gabrielle Aplin and often times The 1975, which Louis think is actually from Harry’s playlist. They got there with the sun still shining right above them. Harry took out a basket from his truck and laid it at the truck’s hood and Harry jumped on it and sat himself there.

   “C’mon.” Harry invited Louis to sit with him at the hood of his truck.

   Louis did as Harry did and sat himself at the sort of hot hood of Harry’s blue truck.

   “What do you want to eat?” Harry was fishing through the basket bringing out two little sandwiches wrapped neatly. “PB & J or just J? I didn’t know maybe you were allergic to PB.”

   “Not allergic.” Louis said.

   “Cool,” Harry brought out a tiny notebook from his back pocket and wrote something on it.

   “What’s that?” Louis asked trying to sneak a peek from the notebook.

   “A list of things that I adore about you.” Harry said and at that moment Louis totally felt uncomfortable.

   “I’m sorry but are you usually this forward to other people?” Louis asked with a felt of unease while sitting upright.

   “No,” Harry told Louis, “Hey, I’m sorry it’s just that you make me feel like I need to take care of you, you look so fragile that at any moment you might slip between my fingers and break and that I need to take extra caution.”

   “Why would you feel that?”

   “Because,” Harry wasn’t sure what made him feel that, “I don’t know, maybe because you’re so rare.”

   “I get it.” Louis said, “It’s not you who’s talking it’s the fan of an author.”

   “Maybe, maybe not.” Harry answered back, “All I know is that I want to get to know you… and I will if you let me.”

   Louis sat there for a moment and then took the PB & J sandwich.

   “Thank you.” Harry said.

   “Tell me,” Louis said, “what else is on that list?”

   “Um, you have beautiful blue eyes and a small exterior.”

   “What do you mean small exterior?” Louis evoked.

   “I just described your eyes as beautiful and you noticed how I called you small.” Harry laughed. “I mean that you’re small for someone your age.”

   “Smaller than you, I think what you meant.” Louis said.

   “Hey c’mon,” Harry jumped out of the hood and pulled Louis out of it, “We need to get near the lake.”

   “Why?” Louis asked taking a bite of the last piece of his sandwich and his left hand being dragged by Harry.

   They got to the edge of the lake and the sun was setting.

   “This.” Harry pointed at the beautiful sight. Birds flying by, the lake reflecting the sun’s light as it sets in the horizon, it sorta looks like they were in the ocean. “This is why I took you here.”

   “It’s beautiful.”

   “I want this place to inspire your next short story.” Harry was looking at Louis who was aimlessly gazing into the beautiful sight completely unaware that Harry was doing the exact same thing.

   “Absolutely.” Louis closed his eyes and started to imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter you guys! Thank you so much for the 200+ hits, I didn't expect that till like idk chapter 20 lol but i really appreciate it. I hope you like how the story progress, i must remind you i'm an amateur writer despite my previous affiliation with fic writing I still consider myself as a beginner so please be nice and enjoy this chapter soon enough we'll have them fall in love haha
> 
> oh and i'm sorry if you think i write short chapters idk it felt long while i was writing it ;/
> 
> follow me on twitter @quicksilouvers for updates!!

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me for any mistakes or errors in this work. This is my first time writing a m/m fanfic especially a larry fic so I hope I somehow brought justice to them. I will be updating every week, if I can and if I regularly receive motivations and/or praises from readers. Feel free to leave some comments. I don't know how many chapters I have planned for this fanfic, I guess we'll just have to see.


End file.
